cliffordr2013

Baby Bear and Bunny(wk4)

So I went all out this week. I had a little extra time and was feeling especially motivated. My kids have a favorite stuffy: Baby bear and baby bunny. So I decided to video a show featuring the two of them, I even created a jingle using the jingle bells tune. I had envisioned doing a series but I really haven’t had the time and I’m not sure that they were as engaged as when I did the lesson live.

I toyed with posting the video but I am not sure I want to make a fool out of myself that much! I will say that my youngest really remembered it still (I’m writing this a few weeks later). The video featured the two stuffies and “tickly worm.” Tickly worm is my finger which somehow took on a personality and a name along the way. Like his namesake he does a lot of tickling but I would often use him as a mediator between myself and my kids when they were upset or angry. Tickly worm wasn’t feeling very good about himself and the stuffies were reminding him that he was God’s artwork, unique and special- building off of the other lesson. I was proud of the work I put into it but I’m not sure that a video is really the way to go but they were surprised to see their stuffies show up on You Tube!

(Wk5)Carrot n Orange

This week was a hard one. I wasn’t really feeling the best about myself and I hadn’t had time to prepare the way I wanted to. Especially after all the work I had put into the video the previous week, I was feeling like I was failing in this Children’s Church endeavor. My wife suggested that it was Ok to continue to build on the past lessons. So I grabbed and orange and a carrot and put faces on them. My oldest really didn’t want to engage in Children’s Church, he wanted to go off and play. I told him we had some special guests and that peaked his interest. My oldest got engaged quickly and my youngest joined in shortly after. The carrot was teaching the orange that he was great just the way he was. The orange wanted to be a carrot but the carrot pointed out how unique the orange was. They ended referencing being God’s art as a tie in.

I was surprised that my oldest actually drew the orange and carrot. He also referenced it throughout the week and later on requested that they come back for Children’s Church. I was going into the day feeling like a failure. It is still overwhelming trying to find ways to teach them that are more meaningful than simply passing along some bible stories. But I’m also convicted about how much I am living out and that the borders of a few moments on a Sunday morning or afternoon are simply not enough. I’ve begun to think about more ways that I can infuse some intentional “teaching” throughout the week and I’m doubling down on my own personal growth.

We are all Connected (wk6)

So this week I decided to tackle the subject of belonging. I wanted them to know that they were connected to each other and to God. I have been inspired by a lot of psychology and Christian writings on this notion of connection and belonging with others and God. I figured I would start with the family as the primary object lesson. So I gathered the family together and I tied a string around my oldest and walked him into the playroom. I told him not to come out until we told him. I led the string back to the living room and then I tugged on the string. I called out to him asking if he felt that? He said yes and I proceeded to tell him that even though he couldn’t see us we were still connected and he could feel us. Then I reeled him in and did it with his little brother. My 2 year old had a little more trouble with the concept but it turned out that later in the week it became a helpful illustration to remind him that he was OK even if we weren’t there.

I then brought them over to the table and drew four bubbles indicating that each represented one of us and had them draw as many lines as they could connecting us in all different ways. Then I drew a circle around all of us and had them connect their extended family. Then another circle indicating the earth and then a final circle encompassing them all, indicating God.

The “string” reference has come up periodically from both of my children and I have intentionally used it a bit. I think its been helpful.

Touching God (wk7)

This week I decided to return to trying to get them to “feel” or “experience” God a bit. So I pulled together a bunch of photos of Lions with their cubs and put them on my phone. That morning I gathered them together in my lap on the floor and showed them the photos. I knew having them sit on my lap and look at the phone would be engaging. They really enjoyed the photos. My youngest exclaimed “Lion!” and my oldest was enamored by the play and affection the Lions showed each other.

I then got up and pretended to pet a giant Lion. Both of them quickly joined in with my youngest exclaiming “Awe Lion” as he was petting our pretend Lion. I told them to imagine that God is this lion. I told them to imagine snuggling with this giant lion, imagine his giant tongue licking them. They laughed at that and I joined in as I imagined the feel of that giant tongue on my face. They quickly began to play like they were cubs and I was the daddy lion but there moments where I saw some things click inside them. My oldest has periodically made reference to this lesson and being licked in the face.

But I want to add that this was not an arbitrary lesson for me but something I was actually doing for a week or two. I was experiencing Jesus as a giant lion, finding rest and comfort as I stroked his fur, nestled my forehead against his huge face and from time to time experienced him licking me and finding myself smiling at that act of affection. This exercise was real for me and I’m hoping it could be for them too.

The Bible is not for kids (but God is)

The pandemic has changed much of our lives and challenged us in many ways. I have a four year old and a two year old. I began to think about my four year old and how I can teach him about God. Honestly, I must reveal I was reluctant when he was younger. I did not know how to teach such complex ideas and I didn’t want to scare him either. I certainly didn’t trust anyone else to do it either- yes, this probably says much about who I am. I’m not paranoid but I’m a do-it-yourselfer for sure.

I remember finding a “My First Bible” and thinking I’ll read this to him. He was around 3 years old at the time and loved stories. It started out nice enough with God creating the world and Adam and Eve. Then it takes a nose dive, “They did something God told them not to do. Now God is punishing them. They must go away from their nice home…The angels won’t let them go back….” Did I mention that I’m a therapist, trained as a psychologist? I was horrified!

Fortunately, I was reading through it on my own and hadn’t started reading it with my son. The next page was even worse with Cain killing Abel, concepts I did not want my son exposed to yet. I imagined us reading this story and my son asking if I’d kick him out of our house.

I put the bible away and started thinking, for the first time, how I would introduce God to my children. I thought it would flow naturally from me, I wanted to be a living Gospel to my children. And, honestly, I still do but I became convinced that this was not working by the time the pandemic hit.

At a loss, I began googling online children’s church. There was far less out there than I had anticipated. After combing through a lot videos and websites I was really disappointed. I found one series by a church that looked promising. As I was reviewing it on my phone, my children came over and crawled into my lap. I wanted to preview it first but they were really interested so I let them watch.

I was mostly concerned about how interesting it would be for them and it started out well enough. It was focused around trusting in God to overcome your fear- this was exactly what I was looking for because my oldest had developed a significant fear of monsters. This would be a great start…trust God so you aren’t afraid of the dark!

As the video progressed we got to Daniel and the Lion’s Den. It started by talking again about God’s punishment of the Isrealites and moved to the story of Daniel. I wasn’t thrilled, concerned about their perception of God but I was still open. It went pretty well until Daniel’s accusers were thrown into the den and “gobbled up” by lions. Ugghh! I realized at that point that the bible was not suitable for children—my evangelical roots were shaken to the core but I was used to challenging my belief systems at this point and knew my faith in God could sustain this tremor.

But along with this revelation came a thought- what is the value of teaching a bunch of stories to my children if what I really wanted was for them to have a relationship with God. It also made me look at my motivation for that particular lesson. I wanted God to solve a problem I was having with my children but all that would have done was make God a magic formula or talisman against monsters. Now I really needed to step back and think and pray about what I really wanted for my kids.

Being a trained psychologist I decided that I needed to refresh myself on what 2 and 4 year old life was like. What are they capable of? What are their life’s challenges and developmental stages? So now I’m prayerfully considering what their introduction to God would look like by starting to understand them better- what do they need rather than what did I want them to have? And I’m hoping to hear from you and make this a collaborative effort.

A Child’s Brain: It matters

This is just me trying to work through and figure this out. Once I let go of teaching some bible stories I was left a bit to aimlessly flounder.

I began to try and create lessons that would make my son Max feel safe because he’s struggling with fear of monsters. But I’m beginning to think this was a panic response looking for a quick fix. The lessons should be about foundation, not quick fixes- trust God and everything will be ok. What are these monsters? How does he see himself? Hard questions for a 4 year old who can’t really answer them. But God isn’t a magical vending machine and He’s not a simple cure all.

I needed to work through where they were at and what they needed so I started with some of my earlier training. I knew that they were within Piaget’s pre-operational stage but to test it I would give my oldest son one of the tests. Basically you show them two glasses filled with the same amount of water and in front of them pour one glass into a taller skinnier glass. Because they are in this stage they will say that there is more water in the taller glass because among other things they do not yet have the Conservation of matter down even though they are watching you pour into the taller glass.

Of course it didn’t go smoothly but I found my son’s deductive reasoning awesome. When I showed my son the two glasses he used his hand to measure, drawing an imaginary line between the two. He even dipped his finger into the water and tried to measure from the top. It was cool how excited he was about this. My problem was I couldn’t get the two glasses to have the exact amount of water and my son detected the subtle differences each time.

So I just took the one glass and poured it into the taller glass and asked if it had the same amount of water as the glass I poured it from. He responded no because this glass was higher. So despite his intelligence, deductive reasoning and imagination, he is still in this preoperational stage.

Think about what that means! It is perfectly acceptable for someone to pour water into another vessel and for it to have more water than the vessel it was poured from. Things just happen. There aren’t rules. What I see in the moment, the present, is often unlinked to the past or the future. In this way, life is magical. Things just happen! He isn’t thinking about “object constancy,” something we take for granted. It is completely acceptable for something to simply appear! Things can change and change instantly without explanation. This space is important because it is ripe with Faith, Hope and Love.

Unlike adults, children are already magical. They are intuitive, filled with wonder, concepts are living breathing things. Invariant representation has not taken hold of their lives. So how do I help them develop their God awareness in this magical world? If I believe that God is already at work within them, how do I help them to see/feel it?

As I ponder this space, I wonder what it means for my children’s spiritual growth. I think more of Max because although Maddox is within the same stage he is only 2 years and I’m just hoping I can keep him engaged and he can pick up things here and there as he grows with us. My hope is just to expose him as I try to reach my oldest, but I am conscious of him as well. I imagine that the songs we sing and movements will mean more to him. And as I think about that I wonder about creating my own songs or some kind of God-yoga to bring them into a bodily experience.

I don’t need to teach them to listen to their bodies because they are almost all “body” in the sense that they are intuitive and “right-brained.” I think my goal would be more to channel those experiences and perhaps help them know that they are listening to their “bodies.” The fish are the last to know about the water, they may not know that they are swimming in their body’s sensations. So how do you teach a 2 and 4 year old that they are living through their bodies and experiencing God through their bodies. I operate under the assumption that God is in them, with them and consistently speaking to them. The issue with all of us is simply being aware: developing our God-ception. But with children, it may be that they are aware and hearing but don’t know they are aware and hearing.

They are slowly losing their pure sensory experience, having it replaced with invariant representation. Concepts and ideas will filter their raw experience. As language begins to name what they know and live, they will lose the pure essence of it. They are at the place that we are working back toward. So our role will be to help them mold their words and concepts so that they can accurately hold on to what they are experiencing and not forget it. We are trying to remember God in our lives, they are blissfully living it but without a label it will disappear from conscious awareness. But we must help them put words to it and resist putting our own words to it as much as possible. Write down the story they give us and repeat it. God is perhaps the first label that we offer but maybe we can resist defining him and how He is experienced- attempting to draw that out of them? I’m not sure I’m up for that task. I wonder how Jesus was raised?

Everything for a child is experience, there is no such thing as “head knowledge,” they are too integrated and visceral for that…they have not succumbed to invariant representation- everything is too novel. They are concrete but that does not make their knowledge simply cerebral. Their “heart” is involved every step of the way.

Knowing that both my children were in Piaget’s Preoperational stage (ages 2 to 7) and this was confirmed with my oldest through our experiment gives me a little more insight into their mental world. At this stage they are able to think symbolically but their thinking is based more on intuition than logic. Corresponding to Piaget’s mental stage, Erikson points out that the primary emotional struggle at this stage is: Is it ok to be me? As parents during this stage we provide the “secure base” that they can use to fuel up, “venture out and assert their will” then return to us in order to re-fuel. In other words, they draw strength from our safety and presence, attempt something on their own and then return for reassurance and safety. This process continues as slowly that sense of confidence grows within them. According to Fowler’s stage of Faith, my children have a more experiential faith that “develops through encounters with stories, images, the influence of others…”

It is that fundamental question, “Is it OK to be me?” that I have begun to focus on and a continued awareness that attachment and belonging are fundamental. Now I have to pull it all together!