gentle parenting – Raising Gentle Faith

Godly Play Part 2

So I found another Godly Play script on the internet- this one is the parable of the Good Shepherd. I went to Michaels to get all my supplies and began memorizing the script. The script was much longer and I found the task to be daunting. It actually took me several weeks. I just had other things coming up and not a lot of quiet time to spend memorizing. I do believe that this could be a spiritual experience for me as well but it may be too daunting to do every week. So I’m thinking about how to maybe stagger the Godly Play weeks. I could fudge it a bit but I found the wording of the script to be powerful and not always intuitive. I don’t want my kids to miss out on an opportunity because I didn’t really “perform” the story correctly.

After finally getting the script for the Good Shepherd down and finding the right moment this Sunday, I embarked on my second Godly Play attempt with revised expectations. I worked hard to be patient as critical parts of the story got interrupted, as I repeated myself on several occasions. Periodically I wondered if they were even hearing the best parts and found myself working hard to refrain from yelling or threatening…I kept working with the frustrated parts of myself and the parts that put a lot of pressure on me to do this right. It actually went pretty smooth but it was hard for my frustration to relax.

They were pretty excited about it, Max in particular seemed to really light up at the idea of doing Children’s Church- we had missed the last two weeks. But I think what was truly rewarding was the prayer time. After they had played with the stories of fifteen minutes (Max played with the Good Shepherd and Maddox played with the story of Jesus welcoming the children) we had a brief time of prayer. Max asked God to hug me and lick my like a lion and Maddox wanted God to play with him. There were some genuinely sweet moments during this time and I continued to see glimpses of Max’s memory regarding our Children’s Church times.

It is hard to put into words the “magic” around seasoned Godly Play “story tellers.” I have spent almost 20 years in the study and training of human nature, growth and healing. During that time I’ve learned different therapeutic modalities and watched countless demonstrations. Over the course of that time you began to pick up on subtle cues that differentiate a novice from an expert even when they use the same words and techniques. What I observed in these seasoned teachers were elements that you can’t find in the script. I think Jerome Berryman does an excellent job describing the process and the inner state of the story teller. In the therapeutic community it is well recognized that what goes on internally for the therapist is just as critical as the interventions done. So part of my self critique involves some of those elements. The story tellers for Godly Play provide a very unique space that invites internal parts of the child to emerge and have an experience that other kinds of teaching does not.

The “wondering” phase is an art form that is integral to the process but not easily done. It takes time to learn the art and science behind engaging children this way- at least that’s the case for me. What I am referring to as the wondering phase is actually a series of “I wonder” questions that can get sprinkled throughout the story but often a majority come at the end. Here are some examples:

I wonder if these sheep have names? · I wonder if the sheep are happy inside this place? · I wonder where this place could really be? · I wonder if you have ever come close to such a place? · I wonder if you have ever found good grass? · I wonder if you have ever had the cool, fresh, clear water touch you? · I wonder if you have ever had to go through a place of danger? · I wonder how you got through? · I wonder if you have ever been lost? · I wonder if you have ever been found? · I wonder if the Good Shepherd has ever called your name? · I wonder where this whole place could really be?

Some of the questions in the scripts are quite sophisticated and deep. They subtly invite and stretch the child’s understanding:

The box is also closed. There is a lid. Maybe there is a parable inside. Sometimes, even if we are ready, we can’t enter a parable. Parables are like that. Sometimes they stay closed. The box looks like a present. Parables were given to you long ago as presents. Even if you don’t know what a parable is, the parable is yours already. You don’t have to take them, or buy them, or get them in any way. They already belong to you.

I’ll try to go into some of the details of Godly Play in some future blogs.

Godly Play PART 1

A while back when I was sending my plea out to the twitter-verse for ideas about helping my kids discover their worth in God, Jonathan Puddle graciously extended an invitation to talk about this and about possibly adapting his book for use with my children. It was a deeply rewarding conversation. I ended up reading his book, “You Are Enough” and doing his meditations, and found both to be an amazing experience.

Some time later, I was listening to a podcast by Jonathan . He was interviewing Julie Canlis about her book “A Theology of the Ordinary,” and she happened to mention something about Godly Play. She stated that it was invented by Jerome Berryman and it was based upon the Montessori theory of learning, of which I am a big fan.

So I “googled” it to learn a bit more about it. I found a YouTube video of a woman doing the parable of the great pearl (https://youtu.be/h-b3T7HfXYY) and I was mesmerized. The protocol involves memorizing the script which is an adaptation of the parable and use craft materials to enact the story. Afterwards the children are invited to play with the story or any other story that they have done as well as do a craft in response to the story. And at the end there is a little “feast” which would consist of water and crackers.

I decided to show the YouTube video to my oldest son to see if this would be of interest. It was met with mixed review. He didn’t seem to be thrilled with it that much but then he asked the next night to watch it again. It seemed that he would get very engaged and then lose interest. I thought that was enough.

So being me I ordered Berryman’s book and began a search of peer reviewed journal articles to see if any research had been done. I found an excellent article in the International Journal of Children’s Spirituality . Kathy Frady did a study using this method with 2-year-olds in a few church settings. She did the story of how Jesus welcomed the children after his disciples tried to turn them away. Her script was short and included in the journal article, so I decided to use that one as my first Godly Play.

I set up the play room with two mats and I put together the materials for the story. I found a large book shaped box to house it and I found craft supplies (and a rock) to use for the story. It was kind of rewarding to create this visual, reusable story box.

It was a lot of work, memorizing the script and putting the “set” together. I had high expectations based upon what I had read, seen and prepared for. My expectations were way too high! In hindsight it went fine but I was greatly disappointed during it. I’m finding that doing this at home presents some challenges that are less likely in a Church setting with a teacher. I’ll talk more about this in upcoming blogs as I try and work through them. I think there may need to be some adaptations down the road but I’m going to stick with the official protocol for a bit as I learn it’s nuances. There are some deep nuances to the script that I’ll comment on in later posts as well.

Feel free to send you comments, questions or observations. If any of you have some experience with Godly Play I’d love to hear from you.

God’s Garden

This week I opted to write a story for the kids. I’ve been deterred by this idea because I really can’t draw and I know at this age it is the pictures that really draw them in but I decided it was the best vehicle for what I was trying to introduce and the most intimate. I could get them to quiet down and sit on my lap where they would be more focused.

I do believe that “story telling” is a powerful vehicle at their age, much more so than ours. By the time we are adults much of the information we take in is filtered through the logical analytical parts of us. There is something called “invariant representation” which is a process whereby our brain will cut off access to somatic areas of the brain and simply have us relate to something on the conceptual level. In other words, when we see our house we may be “seeing” the concept of our house rather than our house itself. We don’t really experience the house, we interact with the idea of the house in our head. This is efficient for a variety of reasons but we lose quite a bit. It is why children can watch the same thing over and over as if for the first time- all their circuitry is online. They are not dealing with the “idea” of something, they are experiencing the something itself. This is what we gradually lose as we have more and more contact with the world around us. So story is a powerful experience for children- the magic is still there. They sit closer to their imaginations and inner worlds than we do. We analyze, they experience. Stories may not be as powerful for us because we need to experience more.

The “story” I “wrote” was “God’s Garden” and I drew from the garden of Eden theme. I wanted them to think about walking with God. The “story” instructed them to close their eyes and imagine walking with God in the garden. It lasted briefly but they both engaged in the exercise. My 4 year old talked about seeing the bees in his garden.

I then gave them paper and asked them to draw a picture as if God were making a picture for them. My 2 1/2 year old was scribbling and making lots of dots on the page. My oldest saw that and said that God knows Maddox likes dots. The very first thing my 4 year old wanted to draw was a heart.

My oldest then wanted to write his own book and put it together with some of the same elements as mine but he included a page that said “God loves you.” Later that day we watched the movie Animal Crackers and when a character declared “I am a God,” Max said, “No he isn’t, God’s nice and there is only one God.” What I love about these utterances is that they come from him. I’m not dogmatic or very “teachy,” most of what they have learned about God have been from these Sunday School lessons. I don’t talk about it every day and tend to just wait for moments to arise. So when I hear him say these things it’s exciting because these are connections that he is making and thinking about. I love that he is embracing God’s kindness because God is much kinder than I am. I wish and pray that I could be kinder and gentler but I make mistakes, God never does. In the story, I remind them that God’s voice is kind. I got that reminder from an author that I recently got in contact with and it was such a nice reminder.

We were at the park the other day and while my oldest son was on the swing he told me that he could see God’s love. He phrased it in a really unique Max kind of way, talking about how God was dropping His love in places. I didn’t get the full gist but I was thankful that he was thinking about these things and trusting that God was showing him something that would mean something between the two of them.

Letter From God

Easter Disaster

Well, Easter didn’t go as I hoped as far as “Children’s Church” goes. I had finally come up with the idea of focusing on new life and hope with the kids. I felt like that captured the essence of Easter. I wasn’t ready to go into Jesus’ death with my 4 and 2 year old. Plus, Easter is about the resurrection. I had planned to use “tickly worm” (it’s a game between my boys and me). Tickly worm is my finger and often he either tickles them or “tells” me what my boys are upset about. They really like “him” so I thought he would get their attention. I had him (my finger) pop out of a plastic Easter egg, I had hollowed out the bottom. But my oldest simply wanted to grab him and play with him. Tickly worm tried to teach them about God’s lessons on hope and new life using spring but they really weren’t interested. I had a couple of time lapsed videos that show winter melting away and spring blooming but I had trouble getting them on my phone and they really didn’t hold their interest. In hindsight I could have prepared much better but some weeks seem to fly by more than others. It was a tough day to pull this off with all the activities that weekend, egg hunts and sugar. I was in an uphill battle but it was still disappointing. I’m already looking to next Easter to redeem myself.

Struggling to find my way

The following week was another bust. I struggled to come up with ideas all week and finally pulled something together late Saturday night. I’m not sure what was going on with me Sunday morning but I wasn’t feeling very great about the lesson and a few things were going on in the home. Max didn’t seem interested in doing Children’s church and a part of me just deflated and gave up.

I didn’t want this to be something that they were forced to do. I wanted to engage them in a way that would be enjoyable. I know from my background in psychology that when you begin to force these kinds of lessons much of what I value is then lost in the process. But that is a tall order to try and engage a 2 and 4 year old each week. I can right that with a degree of empathy for past weekend “me.”

That night as I put my oldest to bed I brought up my children’s church supplies and did the lesson with him before he went to bed. I wanted to test out what I had prepared in order to see if it would help and engage him. I thought that it might go better during a quieter environment with fewer distractions. It did go much smoother and it has me thinking about how to go about this, Sunday mornings may not be the way to go?

I started by reading him a letter from God that I thought would capture some of what God would want him to know. He really enjoyed it, I saw his face light up. Then he smiled and asked me if I wrote that “for God.” I loved that question and told him yes.

Then I showed him a little booklet I made with some scenarios and a single question- “What would God say to that person?” I wanted to get him thinking about what God is thinking. So I had a little boy who was alone, a boy who was sad and I a boy who was shy. I loved his answers! But the shy one caught my attention (he’s a bit shy), “God” told the shy boy it was OK to be shy. I found myself pondering that answer for a while. With that one I also brought out a bunch of stuffed animals and re-enacted the shy “toy.” We had the other toys come around him and love him a bit. This had a lasting impression. He wanted to sleep with the “friends” and we brought them around the house with us for a couple of days.

Where do I go from here?

The Sunday morning struggle left me thinking and praying about what I am trying to accomplish. I took inventory of my kids. My boys know about God, they know about love and know they are God’s art….so what does Children’s church entail now? I hate redundancy and rote learning which also makes this a challenge.

I was overjoyed when spontaneously the other day Max said,“I love Mommy and Daddy and Maddox, I love God and the earth.” I’ve also noticed that Max regularly asks questions about God.

Maddox (my youngest) will reference a lesson every so often and randomly start singing “Yes, Jesus loves me.” I didn’t attempt this sort of thing with Max when he was that age and honestly, developing a curriculum that works simultaneously for both a 2 and 4 year old is rather daunting. I’ve kind of just been pulling my youngest in and hoping a few things stick (which they have) but I may need to be a bit more intentional.

So I want to say that I am on the right track and I’m proud of me and my kids but this journey is a difficult one, its challenging. In many ways I feel as if God has been sending letters to me and I’m thankful for the encouragement.